authenticity reflection

I'm struggling for things to write, so I'm defaulting to things that I have already written. As a junior, we take a class called Military Leadership and the first section of the course (if I remember correctly) is all about how being an effective leader, or person in general, starts with knowing yourself and living in-line with that self-identity. I had just returned from my service year about a month prior to this, so I was pretty motivated about school and not sick of assignments, so I actually wrote this reflection without any prompt or reason other than because i wanted to.

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So we are about to wrap up the section of PL300 regarding leadership of self. Today’s discussion was of authentic leadership, an idea that encompasses many of the other smaller (but not less important) concepts already covered- learning from your life story, practicing your values, building a support team, staying grounded. At the center of authentic leadership is the idea of knowing yourself, which may sound simple but I can assure anyone from my own personal experiences- it’s not. Anyone who gives half a damn about their own personal development is going to experience difficult periods in life and they will wrestle with their identity, morals, beliefs, and principle motivations in life. You can say that I give half a damn and that I wrestle with these things.

So what got me going on this whole thing in the first place happened in class today. The question was posed: what if your authentic self is in contrast to the core values of an organization? The answer given by a classmate of mine was that there were two (and only two) options: change the organization to fit your authentic self or leave. First of all, who is to say that your authentic self is better than the core values of the organization? Second of all, I don’t like being constrained to two options. So I began to think of a third- is it possible for someone to exist harmoniously in an organization that does not share or reflect their own personal core values, that isn’t in line with their authentic self? Hmm, interesting…

One thing that I wrestle with the most is my identity as a member of the Army (well, sort of a member). Almost from the moment I started my cadet career at West Point, I have questioned whether or not the Army was a place that shared my core values and if I my identity (which is grounded in my core values) would survive the minimum amount of years I signed on for. COL (ret) Patty Dooley, a former teacher of mine and someone whom I think of as a mentor, told me that I was on a different and higher level than many of my cadet peers and that I was needed here and in the Army to balance their immaturity. I always have trouble accepting praise and I especially did in this case. I truly do not believe that I am, generally speaking, better or more firmly grounded than the average cadet (because I am an average cadet). I am also reluctant to accept COL Dooley’s praise because if I do then I will be passing judgment on my brothers and sisters which is also something I do want to and will not do. What I am willing to acknowledge is that many of my views, whether they be moral, spiritual, or on leadership, are different. Not better, not on higher ground, but different.

So as I was saying, I was concerned for my sense of identity and what West Point and the Army would do to it. I especially had trouble living in an environment where many people, in my opinion, conducted themselves unprofessionally and did not display the maturity that I assumed cadets and future officers would. I thought, “if these are the people that I will be working for and with when I get out there, there’s no way I’ll do it.” While I did not think in such a way at the time, the question that was posed to me today in PL300 accurately reflects my sentiment: what if your authentic self is in contrast to the core values of an organization? I saw irresponsible alcohol usage, improper behavior, etc. and said, “I don’t want to be a part of this. This is not going to be the population that I work with. My values are too different.” So it seemed that I had written off the values of the Army and decided to take the easier of those ‘only’ two choices- get out.

I was doing my hardest in class today to think of an instance in which someone was able to successfully work in an organization that shared different and conflicting core values. A possible example I thought of was my second semester plebe chemistry teacher. I remember that one day MAJ Radicic was talking about his time as a signal company commander in Korea and a party he sponsored for his company. Major Radicic is Mormon and does not condone the use of alcohol whereas the Army encourages responsibility when using alcohol (a similar line of thought is practicing abstinence versus contraception). He didn’t have alcohol at this function and told us how his soldiers spoke of this with understanding and even respect. As I thought about this case more, I realized it didn’t exactly answer the original question but rather another: what if your authentic self is in contrast to the common practices of an organization? Major Radicic is a great example of not only personal courage and standing up for what he believes is right, but also not letting the common practices of his organization redefine his authentic self. So I was still without an answer to my question- can I be in the Army and keep my authentic identity even though I view them as conflicting goals?

As I departed from Thayer Hall and headed back for lunch formation this morning, I had a Eureka moment. The problem I was having was in defining the core values of my organization, the Army. My original train of thought was that the actions of officers, cadets, and soldiers were the definition of the Army and its core values. In fact, the core values of the Army are contained in an acronym (surprised?)- LDRSHIP: loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. It may sound corny, especially to those who live under the identity of these values, but it really is what the organization that is the Army is shooting for. With that definition of the Army’s core values, I do not hesitate to say that they do not contrast with my authentic self. The problem I had and still do have to some extent is in the conduct of people in the Army but it is not with the organization of the Army. With that realization and with examples like Major Radicic to look up to, I now feel more at ease about being part of this organization. I also think that I have the opportunity be an effective witness to my values in word and deed throughout my time as a cadet and later as an officer. If I am ever in a position to influence the common and erred practices that sometimes occur, I will, God willing, have the personal courage to stand up and make a difference for the better.

Now there is another example and perhaps issue that my PL300 teacher brought to my attention. He recounted his experiences with a physically abusive commander. This brings up the same issue but in a different context. In this case, CPT Toole didn’t have conflict between his authentic self and the organization of the Army, but rather with the organization of his battalion. Given the situation, there wasn’t much of a chance to change things or just pack up and leave, so CPT Toole executed the third answer to the original question- ride it out, suck it up, zip up the man suit and drive on, all the while continuing to let his authentic self shine through whenever possible. When asked if presented with the same situation outside of the military, CPT Toole said he probably would have left for greener pastures. Should this case cause me worry? Not in the context of the original question because this again seems to be an issue with the conduct of people within the organization, not the organization itself. Now if every officer in that battalion went around assaulting their subordinates, I would reconsider. And there is always hope that someday that person will get relieved for their conduct, which did happen.